


The purple death affair

by SandySins



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Banter, Cold War, Espionage, Gen, Light-Hearted, Mission Fic, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26065780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandySins/pseuds/SandySins
Summary: It's 1964 and our favourite trio have a new mission where they will dive a bit deeper into each other's minds. (Let's be honest it's just banter for now)
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin & Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin & Napoleon Solo & Gaby Teller
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	The purple death affair

**Author's Note:**

> For now I'll leave this as a slice of life kind of fic. I had it written in my phone notes and didn't want to loose it. It might get expanded in the future if I ever find the motivation and where I have stored the rest of the plot.

**The purple death affair**

  
The year was 1964 May. Mission after mission the trio had begun trusting each other and beginning to open up, or at least share some personal details in their resident Russian's case. Although Napoleon would affirm with absolute certainty that they have become quite close. That mission would be no different from all the others.  
  
When Napoleon arrived Illya was already seated on a chair, look of disapproval plastered on that stony face of his, while Gaby took her seat on Mr Waverly's desk achieving her goal of making the poor man even more uncomfortable than the last time they were summoned. Being fashionably late though, was something he wasn't ready to give up yet, even less after seeing how it pushed Illya's and Mr Waverly's buttons. How could Napoleon abandon one of his favourite past times after all?  
  
Their mission wasn't simple, they were to retrieve a vital chemical weapon stolen by TRUSH under the MI6 noses. He would make a quip if Waverly didn't look so ashamed of his own agency's stupidity. The target was hidden in a bunker east in Poland, too close for comfort with the Russians, but at least they had Illya. They were to travel there, join some forces with some local agents and infiltrate the compound in time for TRUSH reinforcements to arrive, blending in and retrieving the chemical in a timely manner without making a big fuss.

* * *

  
  
Infiltrating the new batch of recruits was disappointingly easy, of course for their nice little trio nothing could go as smoothly as that.  
  
It took a day and a half after arriving in Bialystok for an idiot to try and steal Illya's watch while his partner slept, which triggered quite the episode, landing four men in the hospital with grave injuries, and a sedated Illya and himself in the cells as a punishment until the forseeable future.  
  
Which left Gabi as the only operative left able to steal the chemical and free them. The problem was that, as amazing spy as Gabi was, she still had a lot to learn and was as bad as Illya when it came to picking locks. That being the cause on how she ended up joining them in their cozy little cell after the rescue attempt ended with a shouting match, while their third member remained out cold, successfully attracting the guards, and harshly reminding them they were not in Zurich any more. At least the guards just thought Gabi was trying to free her recruit friends, so they wouldn't miss roll call in the morning.  
  
A few hours later a tired moan announced the Russian waking up with knitted brows and a pretty frown.  
  
'Good morning Peril, very kind of you to wake up. Did you have a nice nap there buddy?' Napoleon remarked, tone filled with sarcasm.  
  
'Are you feeling okay Illya? No dizziness, upset stomach...?' Gaby said helping him sit up.  
  
'I am feeling fine, thank you, Gabi.'  
  
'Good! Now that our sleeping beauty has awakened he can help us escape the holding cell we are in thanks to him…'  
  
'Tsk he tried to steal watch, you saw it Cowboy!' Illya rasped irritated and with a headache.  
  
'That doesn't mean you should have broken his arm and thrown him as if the boy was a sack of flour! Or kept going and beating the others almost to death because one of your tantrums!'  
  
'They are not tantrums! You want me to show Cowboy?!'  
  
'Boys enough! Stop bickering and think of a way to get out right now. I have the chemical, we just need to leave before we are executed.'  
  
'Wait since when is Chop Shop girl here?' Illya said, finally realizing there was no reason for Gaby to be in the same cell as them.  
  
'How nice of you to ask Peril. She is here because she is helpless at picking up locks and taking directions.'  
  
'I can follow directions, if they are coherent! Which yours clearly weren't you dumbkopf! '  
  
'Yes just like in São Paulo! Remind me how well did you take directions then?'  
  
They continued arguing, tone elevated while Illya inspected the door and began working on it, before the guards decided to check on them to tell those two troublemakers to shut up. Finally, managing to make them stop arguing when the door feel from its hinges.  
  
'Bunker cells have soft steel' Was the only clarification the other two perplexed agents received.  
  
Getting out wasn't as smoothly done as Waverly would have liked, with much more of shooting and killing than being stealthy and inconspicuous. Thankfully they did make it to the forest mostly unscathed, if you didn't count Napoleon's broken nail and bruised cheekbone that he wouldn't shut up about. On the downside as their escape had been quite rushed and may have caused one or two explosions their retrieval team had been unable to make contact and had to leave them to fend for themselves.  
  
'I can't believe how horribly made this TRUSH boots are! No style and no comfort, why even bother!'  
  
'We know Napoleon, you already told us about it three times...' Gaby said exasperated.  
  
'Well yes these boots are making my feet hurt, so of course I am going to complain! And maybe I would stop if Big and grumpy here told us where we were going!'  
  
'We are going to cross the frontier, then if no contact I will have to call... Nikolai.' Illya said with a tired exhalation that conveyed his utter dissatisfaction with having to contact that Nikolai person.  
  
'Thank you Peril that makes me much much more comforted. Although correct me if I am wrong, but you just didn't say we needed to cross the border and then call this mysterious person I haven't heard before, have you? '  
  
'Yes I did, we need to cross frontier Cowboy, now shut up and walk.'  
  
Gabi gave a little laugh, picking up her pace to entwine her arm with Illya's while she stuck her tongue to the American.  
  
Napoleon sputtered.  
'That will take us all night! In these boots!'  
  
'Yes, if you keep walking so slow.'  
  
'Unbelievable! Can't you just call this Nikolai person here and get him to pick us up? Aren't there any secret Russian KGB signals you can use? '  
  
'No, so we walk.'  
  
Napoleon decided to admit defeat on that mater, his poor exfoliated feet would have to suffer for tonight. Picking up his pace he kept with it, he may have to walk all night but you would have to gag him before he stopped picking on his favourite Russian. When had Illya become his favourite Russian though was something he wasn't ready to think about just yet, or ever.  
  
'So Peril, how do you know this Nikolai, is he to be trusted?'  
  
'Yes, Nikolai will not betray me.'  
  
'Don't evade the question, come on, tell me more about this mysterious contact. Who is he?' Napoleon kept nagging with a smirk.  
  
'He is… Ahh… A Friend…' Illya said cutting, almost spitting the word friend, making it seem as if the two of them weren't on the best of terms.  
  
'You? A friend? Since when? Last news I had was the two of us were the only ones deserving of that title!'  
  
'A while ago Cowboy, I had life before meeting you, remember?'  
  
'You sure did Peril, but come on, I haven't seen you talking to anyone at UNCLE outside of us and Waverly in the last year. I didn't even know you had the ability to make friends!'  
  
'You have to admit Illya that you aren't very sociable...'  
  
'You too Chop shop girl? Just because you have not seen does not mean I have no friend at work.' The blond retorted with a huff and a hint of a smile.  
  
'Sure you do, come on name them Peril! And I will know if you are making things up!' The American challenged cheerily.  
  
'I am friends with Clarita from accounting, and agents Flavio and Nils.' Illya finished smug.  
  
'I have never seen or heard of these people. Have you Gabi? Is he making this up?'  
  
'I am not making things up!'  
  
'He did mention once something about a Nils and the shooting range I believe...' The brunette said sounding confused. ' It was when you insisted I come with you to learn how to shoot!' she remarked victorious.  
  
'Yes, Nils is nice, Swedish, big and handsome, you would like him.'  
  
'Wait wait wait!! Am I hearing this correctly Peril? Where you trying to set our Gabi here on a date?!'  
  
Illya blushed looking too guilty to deny it while Gabi laughed nearly bending over and stopping their pace.  
  
'Is that why you suggested it a few times, or why you insisted I should eat at the cafeteria that day I went shopping?' She managed to get out between huffs of laughter, eyes misty and nearly crying now remembering in a new light his friends antics.  
  
The blond just blushed more and looked down.  
  
'Oh Illya, that was very sweet of you. Next time tough tell me plainly.' The German said hugging his friends side a bit.  
  
'Now Gabi, does that mean I get to find you dates too?' Napoleon asked tone very far from benevolent, a scheming glint in his eyes.  
  
'Don't you dare, or I will beat you up.'  
  
Thankfully for Illya the matter of his private life had been overshadowed by the pair bickering in a friendly manner that required little input from his person but filled him with mirth.

* * *

  
They crossed the border with the URSS an hour before sunrise, and managed to make a good time to the nearest village with a phone, close to Pogranichnyy.  
  
Illya made quick work of the tiny shop owner to use the phone. Leaving the two troublemakers to scheme.  
  
'So what do you think this man will be like?' Gabi asked curiosity betraying her.  
  
'Knowing our Peril an old man with a bad temper.'  
  
'You are too hard on him' Gabi said with a short laugh.  
  
'Come on, I'm willing to bet on this! Nikolai will have around 60 years, a mean stare and an even worse temper. But he will be good playing chess.'  
  
' Fifty pounds against it, it's clear Nikolai will be a 40 something man, tall as a bear with a big beard and a stocky personality being gentle at heart. '  
  
' Done! '  
  
Illya returned with news that his contact would be there in four hours and bring a car, something they were all thankful for. They were directed to a little bar where they would be able to stay, wait and have some breakfast Nikolai would pay for later.  
  
Some filling draniki and milk later as well as an in depth conversation on how they absolutely should visit Egypt soon, and demand some holiday time from Waverly, the four hours were up, and they were eagerly waiting their contact to appear.  
  
Soon enough a man appeared trough the door, shorter than Napoleon and with a stocky and strong body. Illya got up after seeing the man crossing the bar in three quick strides and was being enveloped in a bear hug as soon as he was within reach managing to lift Illya a bit from his feet. Nikolai because that must be him, Napoleon reasoned, had short light blonde hair and deep brown eyes that shone in the light, making him a slightly attractive man when coupled with his white teeth and ample smile.  
  
'Oh Illushka, good to see you again!'  
  
'I'm glad to see you as well Nikolai'  
  
'I must say though, the longer hair you sported in Florence suited you better' He said with a cheeky grin and a wink. 

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate all kuddos and comments, thanks for reading!


End file.
